Friends

What is a friend, someone who says lets go do a robbery, or someone who gives you crack to sell when you just got out of jail, maybe a friend is someone who will shoot another person for you just because you asked them, these are the things I thought a friend was. I was arrested for a home invasion armed robbery and was truly about to go up state for a very long time, 42 years to be exact, my plea bargain was for 8=16 years if I copped out but being in the mindstate that I was at that time I was going to take this thing to trial, but I dident need to because my friend made it so that the witness refused to get on the stand to testify and I only ended up doing 2 years instead of 42. Sad thing is while I was waiting to come home my boy who helped me get off was arrested for the exact type of crime I was presently down on. I wish I could of talked his witnesses into not coming to court, but I was allready locked up so I couldent, Now my friend is serving two 15-30 year sentences concurrent and 60 to 120 months serverd consecutively, my heart hurts just thinking about my friend locked up for so many years.

Contemplating

So what was it all for, 17 dead homies and one dead female, Lordmy heart hurt just thinking about it all. I remember when I got arrested for the first time, I was 11 years old and got handcuffs tightened around my wrist for a arson, tring to set a house on fire with seven people in it for something stupid, I look back now and thank the Lord everyone got out because my sister was in there with my step sister and her new born son. Then a month later I caught a armed robbery at 12 yaers old and they sent me to juvy for 2 years, funny thing is that it was actually fun and I had a good time.

Memories

I remember contemplating suicide in third grade. I would sit in my clothes closet in the dark with my eyes closed holding one of moms old kitchen knives and seriously thinking about ending my young life, thinking of all the field trips i,d miss, of my little brother and sister, I was so sad. Other lil boys used to pick on me and for awhile i did nothing but take it, but then after a year or so i got tired of taking it. I believe it was forth grade when I cut school for the first time with my lil cousin Deon Hall aka Dirt -rest in peace-, he was shot dead by the police on the west side when he was only 17 teen years old during a stand off with police after a so called failed robbery attempt. I miss my lil cousin so much, he was allways the athletic one, doing back flips and somersalts a true jack of all trades when it came to kid things, I love you dirt and miss you fam, i started this blog to give people a glimpse into what it was like for us coming up, hungry nights, lonely nights, funerals, daddy smoked out, every man I knew was a thug except my school teachers and they used to talk bad to us, except Mrs Adams- she was the best- I allways loved her and she never knew it- she made it alot better and kept me from killing myself that many years ago.

The Genisis

How does every ghetto story start off, daddy was a crack head?Well that was my reality like so many others except my dad used to take me out when i was in elementary school to do petty crimes and steal stuff, and do u believe he never even gave me a piece of the profits. Growing up witnessing my dad beat men and women to a bloody mess done something to me emotionally and mentally. I never knew what it done to me but as my life progressed and my actions and jail time dident effect me i knew what happened to me, I became numb to the world and to myself.